I have been in a sort of stand still the past couple of weeks it seems. I have recently felt the hit of missing a genuine community of Christ fellowship. Also, I feel that I have seen quite a few injustices over the past month that have completely brought me to the point of genuine frustration. Tonight was a great example. There are certain things that I am extremely passionate about. One of those is the handling of the Scriptures. Tonight, after a lack luster job from someone presenting clear biblical truth I was so mad that it had reached beyond being healthy. I seriously had a hard time controlling my heart beat as it was racing away from me. Of course, upon reaching home I had to come home to repent of the attitude which I held. I am not talking about repenting from disgust from a poorly presented gospel message, but rather the attitude that controlled me for the time being. I have a genuine passion for the gospel to be presented in entirety, but how I react to falsity must be done in wisdom. Acting in passion without wisdom is still sin.
In all honesty though I have had quite a few frustrations in the past month, especially along these lines. To merely claim to teach the Scriptures and hold your Bible in the air without ever delving into the vastness and glory of it still makes you a liar. Claims without proof are null, void, and worthless. While that is one of my frustrations that I have seen, the other can be related. My other struggle has been the lack of a genuine community. For my whole life I have been surrounded by godly men who have always pushed me forward in my understanding of God and helped lead me towards a genuine relation with God. That rug was immediately pulled from my feet when I landed in Peru. Also, for my whole life I have been apart of a community, my local church. I have desperately missed this in my life. I have been crying out to God the past couple of weeks that God would provide that. I have felt like the Psalmist said,
"How long oh Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart all the day? How long will my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, oh Lord my God; enlighten my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death, and my enemy will say, 'I have overcome him,' and my adversaries will rejoice when I am shaken."
The spiritual warfare has been immense whether I have chosen to recognize this or not. My enemy, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places," (Ephesians 6:12) has been pursuing me, seeking like a roaring lion to devour me and make me useless for the kingdom of God. Even in my passion, the enemy desires to use that against me. I recently read The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis that has really opened my eyes to this reality. If you have not read it I strongly encourage you to pick a copy up. Regardless, in the past two weeks I have strongly been attacked in Satan's desire to thwart God's plan and to steal my joy. But......
Despite immense frustrations and warfare, God has only given me a greater desire to be here. When times have seemed rather questionable, God has given me that much more of a love of being here. He has genuinely provided for me, when upon my own, I know it would have been impossible. He has been the loving father, disciplining the child whom He loves. He has turned much of my knowledge into a wisdom of practice. For example, I have always had knowledge of the Scripture, "Lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." While this has been knowledge, it is finally becoming a reality in my life. Tonight, after I repented of my attitude, I became completely overwhelmed with how much that God has done in transforming me, by the renewing of my mind, to see what the will of God really is. I absolutely cannot wait to see what more He does through me. So, we must read the end of Psalm 13 as David confesses the truth despite his frustration....
"But I have trusted in Your lovingkindness; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me."
